Mum Star

You may recall the somewhat disturbing case of the ‘gender-neutral’ child born five years ago – his/her parents did not want him to be stereotyped as either gender and refused to divulge his/her gender to anyone other than immediate family (and even they had to wait some months before they were told). He/she was given the name Sasha, which is perhaps suitably gender-neutral. When the child was old enough to start school, it was revealed that in fact he is a boy.

Now that he is old enough to pull some sentences together, he has been filmed by his mother and the video posted on the net. The topic? What else – how silly it is to have differences between girls and boys.

Sasha Laxton, five, laughs on the video and dismisses the notion that boys should like blue and girls should like pink, which is perhaps fair enough. His mother, Beck, asks him if he thinks girls and boys are different at all, and he says a firm, ‘No.’

This is perhaps not that surprising though. At five, most boys and girls still play together and it is only really as they enter their first proper year of school that the genders tend to separate themselves, with boys preferring to play with boys and girls with girls. Those who prefer to play with the opposite gender can often be left feeling isolated and rejected as their peers seek to form friendships with members of the same sex.

I have to admit, my son’s favourite colour was always pink. I didn’t like to discourage it and felt that he should enjoy what he wanted to, rather than what he ‘should’ enjoy at such a young age. But one evening he said, “mummy, I do not like pink any more. It is a girl’s colour.” I asked what had made him think that and he said, “because they asked us at school what is our favourite colour and I said pink and everyone laughed.”

I felt immediately guilty that I hadn’t protected my son from that. But I’m still not sure how best to deal with behaviour that doesn’t align with a child’s gender – do you go along the ‘don’t do that, it’s for girls/boys’ route, point out more gender-suitable objects, or just allow them to make their own choices?

Beck Laxton is perhaps, some would argue, taking things a bit far and is perhaps setting her son up for a big shock once he discovers the big wide world. Talking to him on the video clip, she asked, ‘What about dressing up in a tutu and being a fairy? Do you remember when you did that for Christmas and I sent it on the Christmas cards because you looked so beautiful?’

Beck Laxton, who hails from Cambridgeshire, said of her decision to raise Sasha as gender neutral that, ‘I wanted to avoid all that stereotyping. Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes?’

Sasha’s dad, Mr Cooper, said, ‘If Sasha wants to dress up in girls’ clothes then so be it. But we’re not forcing it. The girls’ clothes and fancy dress are for fun at home. We don’t make Sasha go out in girls’ clothes.’

Is this passive-parenting or an experiment too far?

Presenter Kate Silverton has revealed that she spent two years going through the rollercoaster ride that is IVF treatment. She had unsuccessfully undergone four rounds of treatment before finally resigning herself to the fact that IVF wasn’t working, and she had stopped putting herself through it when she fell pregnant naturally. Now the proud mum of baby Clemency (born November 2011), she and husband Michael Heron describe their daughter as their ‘miracle’.

Kate, 41, said, ‘I still can’t quite believe that she’s here. Seeing her smile melts me to the core. It’s the culmination of everything I ever dared imagine or hope for. When I have her in my arms, feeding her in the early hours, with Mike sleeping by my side, I look down at her little face and still feel overwhelmed by what’s happened.

‘Whether it’s the beaming smile I get when I lean over her crib in the morning or when her bottom lip trembles if she’s uncertain about something, I just live for those moments now. She’s just adorable.’

Kate’s conception difficulties began after she had to have one of her ovaries removed. Having fallen pregnant after all that heartache, Kate said, ‘I’m not sure how this happened, but I will give thanks every day for the rest of my life that I have experienced giving birth and now have a daughter. It’s heartbreaking to know there are so many couples out there who face the same difficulties as we did and I wish that I could spread some of our good fortune to them.’

The couple are trying their best to care for their daughter on their own, working as a team rather than hiring in help, as is common amongst many celebrity parents. She said: ‘We chose not to have any help as we like the idea of working as a team with her, to learn as much as we could instinctively, although I admit it has been a rather steep learning curve.’

Kate was one of the first female presenters to be revealed to be earning six figures through the BBC. It isn’t known yet when or whether she will be returning to work.

That first glimpse of your baby, at your first scan, is the most amazingly exciting experience for most woman during pregnancy. Seeing your baby helps turn your pregnancy from imagination and sensation into visual reality and many women say that they felt their bond with their baby increase as a result of seeing them at their dating or 20 week scans.

There are, of course, 3D scans available (on a private basis) that can be used to more accurately spot any problems with the foetus, or just to let the mummy-to-be and daddy-to-be get a proper glimpse of what their baby will look like (they’re also much more reliable at determining the baby’s gender, if the parents want to know in advance of the birth).

But the UK’s leading midwife, Professor Cathy Warwick, who last year warned that midwifery shortages in the NHS were putting mums and babies at risk, has said that there is a “worrying trend towards the commercialisation of pregnancy.”

She was referring to an increase in what are being dubbed ‘foetus parties’ enjoyed by what Prof Warwick describes as ‘yummy mummies’ or ‘WAG parents’. She is concerned in particular that people who go over the top in getting excited about the pregnancy may find it much harder than others to deal with any problems such as miscarriage that might arise during the pregnancy.

She says that parties arranged through private firms where scans are carried out and then various picture gifts are created for those who want them are “entertainment” rather than being for the original purpose of the scan, which is to check for growth and any abnormalities to ensure that mum and baby are adequately supported and cared for.

Prof Warwich, chief executive of the Royal College of Midwives, said, “I think the worrying trend towards the commercialisation of pregnancy and trend in ‘foetus parties’ can add to the burden and can increase the expectation for mothers which midwives then have to deal with. There is a worry that supposed diagnostic scans are now being used for entertainment. Across the country services for ‘foetus parties’ are popping up.

“There are companies across the country that provide gifts for parties featuring images of the foetus, from a fridge magnet for £3 to a teddy with 3D scan image for £15. Some companies provide a champagne celebration scan package for £165 and a VIP scan package for £185. This is a far cry from the original purpose of ultrasound.

“For example, if a baby is found to be growing slowly a decision may be taken to deliver early. However, the trend towards using ultrasound and technology via ‘foetus parties’ as a ‘consumer tool’ raises various ethical questions.”

Or could it just be that the younger generation of mums-to-be are embracing the technology available to better enjoy their pregnancy and make the most of that special time?

Lovely celeb baby news this week, with Beyoncé having given birth by Caesarean-section to a healthy baby girl, named Blue Ivy.

Whilst there’s been much ado about yet another celeb baby name that is, well, unconventional, another story has emerged about the couple’s sadness over a miscarriage suffered before falling pregnant with baby Blue.

Beyoncé’s husband, Jay-Z paid tribute to their lost child and expressed his memories and feelings about the tragedy through a new song, Glory. The song contains lines addressed to baby Blue, like, ‘You’re my child of a child from Destiny’s Child.’ It also tells that Blue was conceived in Paris, and then makes the revelation that the couple suffered a miscarriage before conceiving Blue: ‘Last time the miscarriage was so tragic/We was afraid you’d disappear/But nah baby you magic.’

Blue Ivy is the couple’s first surviving child. Beyoncé and Jay-Z married in 2008 having been together for a year. Her pregnancy was announced at the MTV awards in August 2010 when Beyoncé made an appearance with a very visible baby bump.

Lots of congratulations rolled in across the social media from fans and celebs alike. One of the first was from Solange Knowles, Beyoncé’s sister, who tweeted ‘The most beautiful girl in the world,’ shortly followed by Beyoncé’s mate Gwyneth Paltrow, who tweeted: ‘Welcome to the world Blue! We love you already.’

The new parents didn’t make themselves very popular on the ward though. Apparently they spent $1.3m to make some alterations to the suite in which the delivery took place (including adding a bullet-proof door, and a team of security guys), and when the delivery took place, other parents on the ward complained that the hospital ward was put into ‘lockdown’.

One new dad, Neil Coulon, said, ‘They just used the hospital like it was their own and nobody else mattered.’ He had tried to see his new baby who was in the neonatal special care unit but was disturbed four times by the security crew. ‘They locked us into the NICU and would say, “You can’t come out to the hallway for the next 20 minutes.” When I finally was able to go back out, I went to the waiting room and they’d ushered my family downstairs! These are parents who are going through very stressful times. To have that circus roll into town, having to deal with all this drama because someone is a superstar, isn’t fair.’

Well, we still wish the family well. Welcome to the world, Blue Ivy.

Baby Floren, at seven weeks old, has a lot of growing to do before she can catch up with her twin brother Reuben Blake. But these twins aren’t just separated by a few minutes or even hours – and there’s more of a difference between them in size than a few ounces or even pounds.

Reuben is actually five years old and just starting school.

Floren and Reuben were conceived at the same time as each other, during a round of IVF treatment undertaken by their parents Simon, 45, and Jody, 38. The parents took the decision to have IVF treatment after failing to conceive naturally; then in 2005 they began the expensive and emotional route of IVF. Five eggs were fertilised and two were implanted, though only Reuben developed into a foetus. He was born weighing 9lbs 5oz on 9th December 2006.

Simon and Jody decided to add to their family in March 2011 by using their last three embryos. Two of the embryos perished whilst being defrosted, but the last – baby Floren – flourished and she arrived on 16th November 2011 weighing 8lbs 12oz.

IVF specialist Dr Akande said, “It’s usually better to have one baby at a time rather than two because carrying twins is associated with greater risk. So we would very often recommend storing surplus embryos so that they can be used at a later date.

“In essence they haven’t come from the same embryo but from the same batch of embryos. It does depend how you interpret the term ‘twins’ – twins generally means that they are born at the same time.
“But, yes, twins in that they have come from the same batch of embryos, collected from the same treatment cycle – so twins born at a different time – but not a twin pregnancy, when they have grown in the womb together.”
Reuben is taking the role of big twin brother in his stride. Simon said, “Since the day Floren was born, he’s been really tender and loving with her. “
Jody said, “He knows that she’s been in the freezer – he likes to say she has been in the freezer with the chips and the chicken – so he is sort of aware that she is his twin, but obviously he doesn’t really understand how it’s all worked really.

“They do look very similar. Reuben was just a bigger version of Floren when he was born, so certainly there are similarities physically. She does look like a mini version of him really.”

Celebrity baby news this week. First up, singer Dido.

The sneaky thing didn’t let on that she’d had her first child way back in July! She and husband Rohan Gavin had a son, whom they named Stanley. The name is rather controversial and has raised some eyebrows because of Eminem’s song Stan, which sampled Dido’s hit single. The rap is about an unhinged fan of a rap star who ultimately kills himself and his pregnant girlfriend because the rap star didn’t write back to his fan letters. Whilst it undoubtedly did wonders for Dido’s career, many have speculated whether it is the most fitting name for her newborn son!

Still, at least it’s short, and easy to spell. Unlike Dido’s real name, which is Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O’Malley Armstrong. Of her own name, Dido once said, “To be called one thing and christened another is actually very confusing and annoying. It’s one of the most irritating things that my parents did to me. … Florian is a German man’s name. That’s just mean. To give your child a whole lot of odd names. They were all so embarrassing. … I thought it was cruel to call me Dido and then expect me to just deal with it.” Maybe she’ll talk to Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby Apple one day.

Meanwhile, Robert DeNiro and his wife Grace Hightower have announced the arrival of their second child together (DeNiro’s sixth child), a little girl. The baby was born through a surrogate mum, and weighed a slight 7lbs 2oz. She’s been named Helen Grace. Their older child together, a boy named Elliot is now 13.

DeNiro’s other children are Raphael and adopted daugther Drera (from his first marriage to Diahnne Abbott), and twins Julian Henry and Aaron Kendrick (through IVF and surrogate mum with his ex-partner Toukie Smith).

DeNiro once described his love for his family, saying, “I like my kids to be all around. I don’t like them to be off here and there unless they really have a reason or a job that pulls them there. I think the Italian thing is really good because the communities stay together and there are other countries and other cultures that have this. They stay together. You know, the whole family lives in different apartments in a building, that’s nice stuff if you can do it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

Christmastime means one thing to most children: TOYS! They have no doubt been pouring over catalogues and adverts on TV for weeks, as well as discussing with their friends what they would most like Santa to bring for them this year.

But as a parent, or any adult buying a gift for a child, you have to be mindful of the child’s safety and the age-appropriateness of the toy in question. Whilst it may be tempting to satisfy the child’s every whim (particularly if there is an element of competition, perhaps between separated parents or between sets of grandparents to buy the ‘best’ toy), as grown-ups we have to make sure that the toys we buy are appropriate and above all safe for the child.

My father wanted to buy my three-year-old son a motorbike for Christmas last year. No. My son – who has dyspraxia – wanted a pair of roller-skates for Christmas this year. No. Am I unpopular? Yes… but am I being a responsible parent? I think so. I’m buying my son a skateboard instead, which his occupational therapist assures me will be good for developing his upper-body strength if he uses it by lying or kneeling down and pushing himself along. I’ve also bought more padding and safety gear than if he were making a manned expedition to Mars.

The fact is, that in the UK around 35,000 children end up in hospital every year after some kind of incident or accident involving a toy. Mostly they are toddlers choking, or putting things up their noses or in their ears that don’t belong there. So what can you do to prevent your child (or the child you are buying for) from becoming one of these?

Always check the label – the recommended ages on the boxes are not there just for decoration but are there because that is what the manufacturer has been ordered to put there for safety reasons. Not only will a toy that is too advanced for a child’s age be potentially hazardous, but the child may become frustrated and upset if they can’t play with their new toy.

Don’t give small children (those who still like to put things in their mouth) small things to play with, or things that have small parts. Don’t give them balloons – if they pop in the mouth, a small part of the rubber may end up down their throat. Look for toys that are bigger than your fist, as a general rule.

Mind pointy toys with edges and sharp bits that young children can fall on or whack themselves with. Beware toys with strings or straps (including backpacks or pull-along toys, and even dressing gowns) to avoid a possible strangulation hazard. Remember that if you’re buying for another person’s child, that person may not supervise their child as closely as you might.

It’s very common for celebrity new-mums to bounce back into shape, seemingly within days, after giving birth. One could be forgiven for thinking that such celebs are naturally slender and spring back to their pre-birth weight without any effort. The opposite is true, normally, with such new mums often spending as much time with their personal trainers and ‘nutritionists’ as they do with their babies.
This raises two issues: one, these celeb mums clearly feel a need to return to their pre-birth weight. This is probably because they know that at the first sign of a flabby tum or saggy boobs a photographer will earn a packet from flogging pictures to magazines who will write headlines like ‘Flabulous Celeb Mum Wobbles Around Town’ or similar.
Two: why do we, ordinary mums, care whether a celeb mum has got back into shape so quickly? Well, perhaps it’s because they inspire us to believe that we, too, can return to our pre-baby bodies. But if that’s the case, how realistic is that hope? Not many of us can afford personal trainers or personal chefs to prepare our micro-biotic nibbles.
This week, Jessica Simpson became the latest celeb mummy to go on a highly-public baby-fat-losing-bender; she has signed a deal with Weight Watchers reportedly worth $3m.
She, along with others like Miranda Kerr and Victoria Beckham seem to be paraded in the magazines as though going back to work within days of giving birth, at their pre-birth weight, is a good thing. No. It is not. It is not natural, it is not achievable unless you have vast amounts of money to throw at the exercise, and is it really fair to their babies, to have mummy worried more about her body and work than about spending time with their newborn? And forget breastfeeding: losing weight requires restricting calories: not compatible with breastfeeding.
Even if the mother can spare the time and energy to breastfeed, the quality of the milk can be affected. Lora Sporney, a dietitian and doctor of nutrition and education at Columbia University’s Teachers College says about this, “If not eating sufficient calories and nutrient-rich foods, a pregnant woman will rely more heavily on her fat stores and lean tissues including her skeleton for the needed nutrients and energy. Since environmental toxins such as PCBs, dioxin and lead are stored within fat and bone tissue, more of these will be mobilized with the nutrients and enter her breast milk.”
So mummy risks malnourishment, and risks her baby ingesting toxins. Nice.
The natural way to lose weight after having a baby is to allow your body to do so naturally and gradually: breastfeeding will burn off 500kcals a day on its own. Losing half a pound a week is fine!

Sleep deprivation is very, very hard for anyone to cope with. When it’s caused by a new baby, it’s doubly-hard because often the cause of the constant night-time awakenings is unclear. Why is the baby crying? What’s wrong? How can we all get more sleep? These may well be questions going through your foggy mind at 2.00am.

There are a number of sleep-training theories around. There’s the ‘cry-it-out’ camp, closely associated with the ‘controlled-crying’ camp. They both advocate that the baby has to get used to sleeping in their own room and getting themselves back to sleep. They also advise allowing the baby to fall asleep on their own, and either not responding when the baby cries (from about three months of age) or responding after increasing amounts of time.

There has been significant research, though, that shows that allowing a baby to cry like that raises their levels of cortisol, the hormone produced in response to stress.

Babies are social beings, they don’t have object permanency – which means that if they can’t see something they think it no longer exists – and their only source of food, warmth and comfort is their parents. If you’re not in the room with them, they think that the only being that provides them with food, drink, warmth and comfort has disappeared and may or may not return. It’s no wonder they cry.

Many people think that it’s cruel to allow a baby to cry themselves back to sleep.

Whilst in the UK prominent “baby gurus” still promote the rather harsh practices of cry-it-out and controlled crying, in Australia this week two prominent advice centres, called Tresillian and Karitane, have stopped advising parents to allow their babies to settle themselves and instead have started to promote ‘Parental Presence’.

‘Parental Presence’ involves parents setting up beds in their babies’ rooms, coughing or making some other noise when the baby stirs. This allows the baby to know that their parent is close and settles them more quickly. It’s a good alternative for parents who may feel uncomfortable with co-sleeping. It works best for babies aged over six months. The use of a night light helps in the first week or so so that the baby can see their parent as well as hearing them.

A spokeswoman for the centres said, “We always believed parental presence would work but it was really good to get evidence to say, ‘OK you don’t have to leave a baby to cry to teach them how to sleep. Once your baby has three consecutive nights of relatively uninterrupted sleep you can begin to leave the room before she is asleep and sleep in your own bedroom.

Bumbos are those moulded plastic seats that took off several years ago as a way to allow your child to sit upright from a very early age. They come in pink or blue and have proved popular for allowing babies to sit up much earlier than they can sit up unaided, which was the idea behind them. Bumbos were lauded as being superior to laying a baby down on a mat, or placing them in a bouncer, as they reduced the chance of flat-head syndrome and enabled baby to see more, without the need for mum or dad to hold them constantly.
They were withdrawn in 2007 following several incidents where babies had been injured after falling out of them, normally when placed on a high surface like a table or chair. They were allowed back on the shelves with prominent warnings to parents to not place them on high surfaces or use them without supervision. These warnings are clearly displayed on the boxes and on the seats themselves.
However, since then there have been at least 45 incidents where babies have been seriously hurt after falling, some even fracturing their skulls. Babies as young as three months can fall out of them, since they can arch their back right back and flip out backwards, or they can lean right forward and slip out that way, or even lean over sideways and tip over. Despite the prominent warning on the seats, parents are still placing their child on elevated surfaces, increasing the danger considerably that if their child should fall out then they would be seriously hurt.
If you do buy a Bumbo make sure it’s always placed on the floor and do not leave your child unsupervised in it (since even if it’s on the floor, if the child tips over then could be suffocated or trapped).